


By Word of Mouth

by LoveofCake



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-10 00:14:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4369784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveofCake/pseuds/LoveofCake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here's a collection of drabble based on the tumblr post about "things said______" applied to JeanMarco. Be expecting some angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Things Said at One in the Morning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this is my first thing I've ever really finished and posted so go easy on me.

High school brought around new things for the both of us. Different things.

Differences brought new interests and new clubs that should have pulled us apart but it never did. He did water polo I did marching band. He spent lunch in the art room and I spent mine in the music room. But it didn't matter as much as we worried about coming out of middle school. 

We still hung out after school, went on adventures before we thought we had outgrown them, spent our weekends at either of our homes or out doing regular teenager things so often our mothers barely flinched at your sudden appearance in their kitchen in the middle of the night grabbing a water from the fridge.  
Nothing changed in the way we thought it would. But then...it did.

I can remember how bright you were. Brighter than any star, blinding me with your intensity, I'm surprised I was never scalded by how close i stayed by you. Even when you were burning out during finals, you could still scorch the earth and me as well. 

I smile when you get your first girlfriend because you smile, all cocky sharp lines and teeth and pride and it hurts because your smoldering burn has turned into my hell fires and it hurts. When she leaves for her best friend you don't hold it to her but you don't burn as bright and I'm the only one who can talk to you about it.

But I never do. Instead I was a coward who watched you sputter into darkness.

The days before you spent the night at my house, borrowed blankets and stolen pillow sprawled out on my bedroom floor i noticed it in its entirety. It was strange how quiet you were. Jean Kirstein was many things and quiet wasn't one of them. 

The distracted air you carried whenever Armin talked to you, the almost detached laugh when Connie and Reiner started some trouble involving leaving professor Hange's month old egg salad sandwich odor experiment hidden in the depths of Mr. Ackermans' book shelves causing a horrid smell to leak through the room. You even ignored an opportunity to fight with Eren.

I know you, Jean Kirstein.

More than I should. And sometimes, not enough. 

You were always most vulnerable in the early hours of the morning. The brash coarse exterior that grated against the world in the way sandpaper drags across skin gone as you fought against exhaustion. Your filters were always gone and we finally got to talk. well, you talked I listened until the early hours of the morning began to dye the sky a brilliant shade of dawn. After a night of studying gone to hell and descending into video game madness, and finally laying down half asleep contemplating the universe in semi silence, the rustling of the branches outside my window keeping time with out breaths, you'd finally say something.

"Hey, Marco." you would slur from my bedroom floor, staring up into the darkness to watch the glow in the dark stars that have been on my ceiling since i first moved into this apartment three years ago. I pull my face from the pillow I buried my face in to squint down at you. For a second I thought I imagined it. Your breathing was too even, too deep to be considered awake but you kept talking. "Can I tell you something?"

You aren't a shy person, Jean, so the uncertainty in your voice throws me and I nod forgetting you cant see me in the darkness. I see your silhouette shift to face me, your hair a rasping shift against the borrowed pillow and I can almost imagine the intensity of your golden eyes and how they glow in the darkness. I find my voice and give a raspy acknowledgement. He sighs and looks back at the neon green stars.

"You know... you know about Mikasa right?" The name makes my stomach sink in jealousy. It shouldn't. It's been years he's been crushing on her. I can watch him fiddling with his hands on his stomach as he gaps trying to find the right words. "I never...I never really liked her, ya' know." he whispers. "I know...I know I've been talking about her for what seems like forever but I just... never wanted to actually be with her."

"I thought-"

"She's pretty don't get me wrong, and it's hilarious to watch Eren get worked up over it but...I think he's right. About me being...you know what he says....gay." he whispers, the word rushed over as if he can't get the word off his tongue fast enough.

I wonder if it burns him, that word. That word he's been taught to hate and I cant help but stare at him in the darkness. I can hear him fretting, his voice raising in aggression but he can't hide the way his voice trembles. It occurs to me that you worry about what I have to say about this. " Well, say something-"

"Okay." I cut him off before he could do something rash like run. It's all I can say. What else could I have done? I didn't know... I wanted to smother myself in my pillow.

"Okay?" He asks, timid and shy and it throws me for a loop I'm not prepared for. I scramble to collect myself and say what i think is right.

"Yeah." Eloquent. Truly a master of the English language.

"You don't think its weird-"

"Jean," I have to cute him off. His accusation of it being weird pushes more buttons than I expect. "I've known you for years. This isn't going to change a thing." It won't change the fact that I'd do anything for you but i don't voice that. Instead I say, "Well I'm glad you told me."

There's a few minutes of silence. It's long enough to convince me that you're falling asleep again when you speak up again.

"I haven't told anyone else yet." you whispers with a hesitant quiet laugh. I look up again to see you fisting the fabric of your shirt over your chest where your heart resides. 

The moonlight pouring watery through the window falls on the outline of your pale hand and arm peeking out from your t-shirt sleeves and I watch the corded muscles in your forearms ripple as you clutch your shirt as if it will keep you grounded. Keep you here. "Hearing it out loud is so fucking weird, man." He stops. "I'm just really glad it was you." he adds on almost absently and somewhere in me something is swelling with pride. The scraping outside by window of the wind in the branches of the shedding tree keeping tempo with my heartbeat in its erratic thumping and I clutch my pillow tighter to my chest as I drift asleep again.


	2. Melting Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which communication is key.
> 
> Prompt used is things said through your teeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about being hella late on this. I need to put it on a schedule but things have been really busy. Enough excuses. Enjoy guys.

You were never one for bullshit. I knew that and so did everyone else. You were never shy, or pulled away from people who pushed back. You followed the laws of nature and when something pushed at you, you pushed back. 

I'm not calling you a fighter. I'm calling you a survivor. 

I can't get the thought of your confession out of my head from that night cast in moonlight and shadows and plastic stars but it doesn't change anything. I make sure it doesn't. You're still that cocky teenager full of arrogance and confidence that burned as gold as your eyes, melting like magma under the earth. 

And like the magma burning there, you never really expect it to come crackling up to the surface to burn your feet. I didn't.

But playing so close to fire, I should have expected to get burned.

It hasn't been very long since you told me, confided in me your biggest secret. I thought things were get better, but it doesn't. The hunch of your shoulder still reeks of paranoia and I try to get you to unwind and let you become the you I knew with your brash soul. But it doesn't help.

In fact I think it only got worse the more I tried but I never stopped trying.

Whenever I asked, it was deflected. Again and again and again and again. I tried to get you to surface. Tried to expose that molten center, but sometimes, it isn't mining that expose veins of precious ore, but the sudden rupture in the fissures under the surface and it all comes pouring out. 

You avoided me for almost a week. It wasn't by coincidence either and I know it. How could I miss it when we made eye contact and you purposefully turned to make sure we had no way to talk, no way to cross paths by coincident. I had to hunt for you and I didnt know how much it would hurt to know you didn't want to be around me anymore as much as I wanted to be around you.

It felt so low of me to do it, but I followed you. 

I stayed back and followed your footsteps and made sure I wasn't spotted until you led me to behind the gym. A group of stoners wandered by, heading to their own spot to be ignored by the campus security and another group of people used the shortcut to get to the lunch lines but you were here alone. I watch you slide down the wall and sit on the dirty ground, elbows resting on your bent knees and you rock your head back to tap the wall. Then again. Then again with a little bit more force. 

"Hey." I croaked nervously. My voice was shaking and I hated it. I hated even more the look you shot at me. Disgust.

"What are you doing here?" You snap, golden fire burning in your eyes.

"I-I was worried about you."

"Very funny."

"What are you talking about?" He scoffs and leans on the wall for support as he gets up with a grunt. 

"Save it, Bodt." You sneer and I pull back in surprise as you stand, dusting yourself off real quick going to walk past me. To avoid me again. "I don't have time for this-"

"Jean, I'm trying to understand." I try to beg you. I can't stand this, the way you can't stand to see me. "You aren't like this. I know you. What have I done to...to piss you off this bad?" My heart is thundering in my chest as i lick my dry lips in nervousness. My palms are clammy and i can feel the blood jumping through my nerves. I'm afraid you might have an actual reason, a completely valid one i'd have to accept and watch you slip through my fingers. 

"You know what you did." You nearly hiss at me.

"No, I don't!" I cant help but exclaim in confusion. 

"Stop giving excuses and admit it."

"I'm not giving excuses-"

"At least I wouldn't have lied to your face." You mutter through your teeth. Something freezes my pounding blood. Lied? If there was something I was towards you, Jean, it has always been honest, sometimes, even brutally so at times. 

"Excuse me?"

"At least I wouldn't LIE to you." You repeat, louder, through gritted teeth.

What was I to do? The sudden accusation pushes me back and leaves me reeling. I nearly take a physical step back from the surprise that rockets through me. 

"What are you talking about?" The words slide of my tongue before i can stop it.

"Don't act like you don't know." You hiss again through bared teeth. "You swore....you promised me you wouldn't and you fucking go off and do the exact damn thing... I thought i could trust you with this." I'm afraid to speak. If I do, would he be able to hear the tremor in my voice.

"Jean-"

"You know what." You cut me off. throwing your hands up in exasperation. "Just forget it."

"Jean, I don't-"

"Drop it!" You bark, turning away from me, turning to leave, brushing past me almost as if touching me is a terrible offense.

I don't know what to do, what words I should say to make you stay, to talk to me, to tell me what's going on. So I react, risking it for a chance to keep you here.

"Stop!" You go to pull away but i merely grip you tighter. "Just listen to me!"

"Let go of me-"

"Not until you tell me whats going on." I bark in the sternest voice I can muster. It's a voice I reserve towards my sister when I caught them in the process of being bad. I don't think it'll work on you but you freeze anyway, trapped in my grip. "I haven't done anything." I ennunciate slowly so I know you hear them. "You can't just... accuse me of lying and not explain what the hell you're talking about."

"You know what you did-"

"No I dont! I have no idea what you're -"

"He knows." Are the first two words out of your mouth that makes sense and my blood runs cold. It's the moment I realize it isn't hatred in your eyes for me but betrayal. 

It's fear. Things are starting to fall into place and I hate where they land. It's painting quite and ugly picture that I dread seeing pieced together.

"Wha-"

"He. Knows."

"Omigod. Jean-"

"You were the only one I told, Marco!"

"I-I didnt. I swear i didn't!"

"You're lying-"

"Jean, look at me." You always were stubborn as a mule, refusing to even cast a glance up at me. "Jean, please. Look me in the eye." You reluctantly dart your molten eyes up to mine. I know you suspect me of something. Of exposing you. That glance gives me a glimmer of hope that maybe, you know it wasn't me, you just needed someone to blame and I was the only choice to blame. I gently shake your arm with each word, as if it will help the words sink in. "I. Didnt. Tell. Anyone." I state. You say nothing, eyes ghosting over my face, and I know you're looking for any cracks in a facade, but there is no facade to hide behind. "I didn't. Believe me. And I especially didn't tell your grandfather about it." 

"Then who did?" you ask quietly.

"I don't know." I mutter to him, because frankly, I have no idea who could have told. I have some ideas but they're only assumptions my mind has conjured up, some being too wild to be considered possible. With a sigh, my hand slides down your arm, going to fall at my side. Before it could fall from your lanky frame, a lean hand snaps up to press it into your arm, tight as you can and your hand is shaking weather from how tight you clutch at my hand that cuts the circulation from my fingertips or if they shake on their own. 

I can feel my heart ache for you. Your not as strong as you pretend to be and it hurts to know you're hurting. You're shaking because you're angry, you're hurt, you're betrayed... you're confused.

"Its going to be okay, Jean." I offer, squeezing your arm gently to comfort you in the only way I really could.

"I hope so, Marco." You sigh. "I hope so..."

And Jean, if only you were the only one feeling confused that day.


	3. Things You Didn't Hear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit sorry for being away for so long. I'm in the process of both getting an apartment and starting college so my plate is overflowing with bullshit. I'll try to put out another chapter today to make up for it.

You were so anxious when you finally brought around Eren. You both had known each other for years, from nearly third grade. That's nearly as long as you've known me.

I had talked to Eren sometimes when we hung out every now and again, we were friendly as can be.

But when you brought him by and left us alone for a few moments while you used the bathroom, the words I mutter to him aren't a greeting or an offer to catch up. It's a warning.

"Eren." I catch his attention, his pretty green eyes flashing up from his phone in surprise, fingers moving to turn it off in a movement i recognize as muscle memory.

"Hm? What's up, man?" I take a deep breath, considering my next words for a few moments before they spill from me.

"I've known you since when, second? Third grade?" 

"Yeah that's about right."

"SO we can say we're pretty good friends?"

"...Yeah, I'd like to think so."

"Good. And I'd like to keep it that way."

"Wha-"

"I'm saying if you hurt him, I'll kick your ass, Mikasa protecting you or not."

"I don't need Mikasa to protect me."

"Good. Makes my job easier if you mess up." I cast a casual grin at him and the dazed surprised look on his face when you return, jumping over the back of the couch between us landing with a sigh and you grab your controller again.

"Hey, what I miss?" you ask at the stunned look on Erens face, turning to me for answers. I merely smile and wave it off.

"Oh nothing. Just catching up and stuff."

"Oh cool. Hey, Bet you I can beat you at rainbow road." He challenges, sliding to the floor and settling there. 

The mood lightens from there but I manage to catch Erens eye over your head and lean over to mutter to him again.

"And if you were wondering, yes I'm being a hundred percent serious." 

Green eyes widen again as I lean up in time to drop a banana on the track in time to send you spinning out of control and off the track with a grin on my face.

You never heard.

So when you hear that I decked him after your four week relationship that hurt you more than it should have and I got a bruise the size of an angry sisters fist on my jaw, it was a complete and utter surprise to you.

I'm glad you never heard.


End file.
